When I first started my journey as a psychologist I was assisting in a study of 4-week old infants.
They were shown a toy and they sucked vigorously on a pacifier for about 15-20 seconds. Then the sucking slowed down and stopped.
The infants were no longer interested in that toy.
Then they were shown a new toy and they sucked rapidly then slowed down and stopped again.
What we found was they needed new experiences to continue being interested. They wanted something new.
Like a 4-month old, our relationships are the same way.
Over time, if we’re constantly with the same person, doing the same thing with nothing new to look at or play with, we get bored.
Our relationship gets stagnant and we start to wonder, what’s wrong with our relationship when, in fact, nothing is wrong. You’re just looking for a new stimulus.
And so today I want to share with you 3 ways to reignite your romance and get those new experiences going.
Way #1 The first thing I want to teach you is how to turn mundane things into moments of connection.
Do you remember how fascinated you were with your partner when you were first dating? And even when you were first married?
In those times, even chores were romantic and often ended in the bedroom.
How can you re-capture those times?
What if you “bumped into each other” while washing and drying the dishes.
What if you both were wearing aprons and not much else?
What if you played music and danced in the kitchen?
Have you ever thought of cleaning the bathroom then showering together?
Way #2 Date night. Everyone talks about date night, and that’s because it’s so important to have fun and interesting experiences together as well as tending to your relationship.
Let’s put a new twist on date night. We’re all about new twists, right?
Instead of dinner and a movie, explore one of these questions during date night.
Question !: Where do you want us to be 10 years from tonight?
Question 2: Think about your obituary at the end of your life. What do you want your life to have been about, so that you would be proud and satisfied with what was reflected in your obituary.
On this kind of date night, it’s less about what you do. It’s about the questions you ask each other that lead to deep understanding and connection.
Way #3 In the bedroom (or the kitchen, or the study…)
Here are 5 ways to mix it up that you could try.
Notice that they’re covering each of the senses.
Try one thing at a time. Then, next time, try another, and so on.
For hearing, put on some music that you love
For seeing, put on different sleepwear (or none?) plus a candle
For smell, use the candle, different body wash or shampoo
For taste—some lotion with taste or feed each other some food or a drink
For touch—touch your partner with different objects, such as a feather, ice cube.
Bonus idea-- Explore different positions, locations for love making.
To wrap this up…
I would love to hear from you, What did you find valuable in today’s blog about how to rev up your romance with your partner?
Let me know what’s one thing you’re going to try out this week, ok?
PS: Over the past 30 years I’ve been working with couples around their romance, communication and growing together.
And questions and concerns like these come up too often to count.
I’ve developed a very simple process of taking couples from disconnected to deeply connected and turn their relationship challenges into incredible opportunities and strengths.
If you would love to find out how I can help you and your partner grow together, book a time in my calendar now for a free Relationship Breakthrough coaching session.
By the way! I’ve started an online business called Exceptional Couples Academy, to take this knowledge and vast experience to more and more couples, so that they can build the relationships of their dreams. It’s my purpose and I’m thrilled to have this opportunity.
The very first program I’m offering is private relationship coaching, which I call, The Pathway to Your Exceptional Relationship. This initial offering takes you from where you are now, to the relationship of your dreams. You’ll be getting private time with me, with my 30+ years of experience, to link arms with you and teach you to steps to take and the skills to learn so that you achieve your dream relationship and know how to sustain it over the years. Plus the bonus of my brand new course, “The Communication School, How to talk with your partner about anything and everything and grow closer because of it”. You will end up mastering communication so that you can use that expertise throughout your lives.
If you would like to explore with me what your next steps with me in a FREE phone conversation, please schedule a time with me by clicking this link: https://calendly.com/carol-j-henryphd/discovery
So that you know, there are no obligations. I would love to help you sort out your situation and your next best steps to grow your relationship.
I have a limited number of openings for Private Relationship Coaching clients. Would you like to consider this for you and your partner?
If so, you can contact me in these ways:
Message: Facebook message https://www.facebook.com/carol.henry.792197/
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Committed Couples Growing Together.