I was divorced by the time I turned 30.
But not because we didn’t love each other.
We had loads of fun together and really cared about one another. But, what it came down to was, I had no clue how to be a great partner.
When I was 11, my family was in a horrific boating accident. My grandmother was killed on impact and my brother was hospitalized. We never spoke about it, ever. From that experience and others, in my childhood I learned that “we don’t talk about negative things” and when I got married I brought that thinking into my relationship.
Not once did I share my concerns or “negative” feelings with my partner. Which means, we never had the chance to work through them together. Eventually, I started to believe we just weren’t meant for each other anymore and we went our separate ways.
Do you ever find yourself thinking, “I’m not happy but this is just how marriage is.” ?
Do you and your partner have challenges but worry that there’s no way to fix them?
Have you ever wondered if you married the wrong person?
No one tells us how to be in a relationship. Especially if you grew with parents who didn’t know how to talk about things.
It wasn’t until I got my PhD & started working with couples that I realized relationships are more than living under the same roof or a marriage certificate.
Relationships are more like learning to drive a car.
At first, you’re incredibly excited! You can hardly wait to get behind the wheel and hit the open road.
But then, you quickly realize there are much bigger lessons you need to learn in order to avoid pitfalls (and potholes) and be safe and responsible.
Relationships are the same way. We start out smitten over our person and feel like there’s no better fit than them. Then, what happens?
A few months, a few years go by and the person we once felt so loved by and loving toward has changed. We still love them, but we find ourselves more irritable and resentful than in the past. We don’t feel as connected to them as we want. And eventually, we start to wonder if we picked the wrong person.
This is where I want you to pause.
You have only 1 of 3 choices you can make at this point in your relationship:
Do absolutely nothing. Everything will stay the same until it gets worse. This is your default option, if you choose not to follow one of the other two.
Get divorced. This is permanent and not always the right decision depending on the couple. (I wholeheartedly believe that if I had known there was a 3rd option, I’d still be married today.)
Change your relationship and get back to the loving, fun, and connected partnership you once had.
At this point, I’m crossing my fingers you choose option #3. It’s the best one, and here’s where to start…
If I had known back then what I know now after working with hundreds of couples, I would have never asked “did I marry the right person”.
Instead, I would have inquired “How can I be a better partner?”
This question puts YOU in the driver’s seat and gives you the power to change the dynamic between you two within DAYS. Sometimes within moments.
For me, it would have looked like sharing my worries and concerns with my husband and working through and shifting the mindset I learned as a kid. I’d have discovered that by bottling up my feelings I was actually pushing away the man I loved.
For you, the answer could be completely different depending on what’s going on for two.
When I work with clients, I help them learn how to communicate better, resolve disagreements, and reconnect.
Book a call with me if you’d like my personal support to help get you and your partner back connected again.
So to close out and leave you with something positive…
If you’ve ever wondered if you married the wrong person, this week I encourage you to try on a new perspective of “how can I be a better partner?
With so much love,
PS: Over the past 30 years I’ve been working with couples around their romance, communication and growing together.
And questions and concerns like these come up too often to count.
I’ve developed a very simple process of taking couples from disconnected to deeply connected and turn their relationship challenges into incredible opportunities and strengths.
If you would love to find out how I can help you and your partner grow together, book a time in my calendar now for a free Relationship Breakthrough coaching session.
where your relationship is now,
where you want it to be,
and some steps to get there.
I have a limited number of openings for Private Relationship Coaching clients. Would you like to consider this for you and your partner?
If so, you can contact me in these ways:
Message: Facebook message https://www.facebook.com/carol.henry.792197/
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Committed Couples Growing Together.